Heartbreak

Recently I had my heart broken. And it was the worse kind. It was the kind of heartbreak that you do to yourself. It is when you build yourself up with excitement for something, anything and then it does not happen.

That something can be love, friendship, a great planned day or any damn thing that you get excited about. I tend to do this often. I get excited about going to a place, or doing things with friends, or basically damn near anything. I love this about myself. I know I can be happy with little but dream for so much more.

Well recently, I applied for a job. Many people would not believe this job to be a dream job but to me I thought it was PERFECT. I would have been able to stretch my wings and soar. I would have been working with amazing people and I would have been building something that I strongly believed in.

Needless to say I was not offered the job, after three rounds of interviews and countless, let me say that again, countless hours of dreaming and planning, and devising my plan of attack for what I would change or what I would hope to improve within myself. For a short while I thought about how bad I felt when I heard this news and I thought about how upset I was, then I thought why do I let myself get so excited about something.

I was ready to trade in my excitement and zest for life because I did not want the pain of disappointment again. Well that lasted for about an hour of self pity and self loathing. then I realized that I would do it all over again because I love how I feel when I am hopeful for a better future, hopeful to expect the best from people and hopeful for life each day. I would never trade any of my dreams and wishes just because a few people did not see what I know I can do or what I know I am worth.